jenannnn

jenannnn @ 2037-12-27T20:32:00

2007-06-05T03:32:37Z

Jellyfish, gracefully floating the sea
singing in movements so wildly free
do I love you this much because you are not like me?
with your boundless-carefree sensibility
or do I love you so because I wish to be
a free floating Jellyfish under the sea.

jenannnn @ 2037-10-18T10:02:00

2006-10-18T17:00:22Z

I haven't updated in a good chunk of time. Right now I am home listening to the blasting fans in my kitchen and my dad speaking loudly on the phone about how much redoing the cabinets and counter is going to be. My house is a circus because someone (cough cough dad) decided the leak wasn't a leak at all. I'm not sure what he supposed it was, but definitely not something to be looked at for a couple months. Now our kitchen is covered in tarp with these giant fans to dry out mold or something. I thought it would be kind of fun and I could maybe sneak into the tarp and hide in the broken kitchen but apparently it is really toxic and I can die if I do it. Bummer.
That might be going on for a couple weeks.

I had this bizarre dream that Ozzy Osbourne and I were BFFs and Al was best friends with weird Al or something. We had a party at my house during school like at lunch and 435908435 people came and I had to yell at a couple people to get out. I always feel really guilty when I yell at people in my dreams, like right after I feel like an idiot. Anyway I also discovered this weird corner of my closet that had really cute clothes that apparently Hanan had given to me as a secret gift. Dreams are bizzare. In my dream I decided I wasn't going to go to school, so when my mom tried to wake me up I told her I didn't want to go and she without avail let me.

I slept until 9 something with a couple phone calls. One was from Al telling me she hated me because we have a 3 hour CORE becuase of the PSAT and I would have sat in her class and drawn pictures with her if I had gone to school. I can't believe I forgot to sign up for the PSAT, and neither can my parents. Everyday they remind me of the 8,000 dollar scholarship money I just threw down the drain. SAWEEEET. I'm hungry but I aint got no kitcheenn.

I'm not sure why I haven't been writing lately. I think I have felt like I am not on the right track, or the same track I use to be. But I think I am now, finding a better balance. Jacob stopped dealing and I don't really care either way, but I am around pot less often so I think that helps. Even though I haven't been smoking pot that often lately anyway.

I miss Shane so much, it's really hard not having a tangible love. I fill my time with friends and family and all that so shit is fine but then I just think about the people I spent my summer with and all the conversation we had. I miss it. My friends now tend to be my age which really feeds into the lack of genuinely good conversation.

I am happy though, I really am. Jacob is amazing to me and helps me with everything. He is really supportive and understanding and doesn't question a lot of the things I do. I enjoy his company a lot.

Mark Rudd is coming THIS weekend which I am really pissed about because I was expecting A LOT more time to plan for his arrival. Maybe sunday mornign breakfast. I don't know.
If you want to come ask me.

Allison is coming over and we are going to do some journalism homework payceeeeeeeeeee.

jenannnn @ 2037-09-25T17:40:00

2006-09-26T00:41:40Z

If you haven't noticed, 99% of my current entries are friends only. and for people who added me without commenting I probably didn't add you so you can't see most of my entries. In other words comment me if you want me to add you back.

jenannnn @ 2037-09-18T05:55:00

2006-09-18T12:59:17Z

It's 5:55 in the morning which makes me stoked, I get to make a wish and stuff. I'm also just stoked because I wanted to get up at 5:50 this morning to get my math done and I totally woke up at 5:20 on my own. It's probably just a weird coincidence but when I told myself I would do my homework in the morning, I actually thought I would be doing it at lunch time. So basically right now I feel like I can do anything. Maybe I will wake up at 5:54 each morning so I can make a wish at 5:55. I hear NPR in my room, and my math home work is basically done except I need a centimeters ruler and I don't have one. So I get to lay in bed and listen to NPR with my mama bear mug and my coffee for 20 minutes. Life is so good.

jenannnn @ 2037-09-04T20:57:00

2006-09-05T04:02:11Z

So nick mentions steves death and I'm like yeah I know everyone knows. It just kind of irritates me that people don't talk like this when we invade Iraq, or have meetings with Iran. And he said "your not the right person to talk to about this, because I was sad, I still am. I felt really insensitive and now we are talking about him and Nick just told me he loves him. And he always thought he was invincible. Anyway, R.I.P. Steve, you will be missed. I still have about 80 pages of 1750 to read. Fuck Brave New World, I'll finish it tommorow. And I'm totally not reading the first two chapters of the APUSH book. Running off the amount of sleep I got I'm lucky I'm still awake.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-26T10:34:00

2006-08-26T17:35:25Z

My aunt just left, and Charlotte is officially going to a Canyon Crest and moving. I'm getting real sick of goodbyes.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-24T09:17:00

2006-08-24T16:18:03Z

Aria just came and said goodbye. 4 down, more to go.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-21T00:34:00

2006-08-21T07:34:49Z

"There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground. And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics."
-Bob Dylan

jenannnn @ 2037-08-20T17:35:00

2006-08-21T00:35:44Z

Man was I good at holding in those tears, until the second he walked away.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-20T00:38:00

2006-08-20T07:59:18Z

i really really really dont want matt to leave. tommorow is seriously the last time i get to see him. i am crying so hard. I can't even believe it. i don't understand how it seriously just hit me. no matter how muhc i tried to prepare myself I don't think I had any real grasp. i cant see im cryign so hard. im happy for him. he gets to be away from here, pleasing himself for once. using his intelligence for something beyond teaching his girlfriends or friends. he can show others his love and compassion. he deserves this. I love you Matt Callado. You are honestly one the closest people to my heart.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-16T23:13:00

2006-08-17T06:41:13Z

I've got lots of emotions inside. Right now I feel kind of a happy frusterated. I'm waiting for Bud to call me back, he drives me crazy. I'm waiting for Chris to get my letter and tell me what he thinks of the extra script ideas. I'm waiting for Jordie and I to go to Invisible Children today. I'm waiting for school to start (not in a wishful way). I'm waiting to shed lot's of tears over Matt's departure. I'm waiting to get a car. I'm waiting to find a during school job. I'm waiting for myself to start reading the books I need to. I'm waiting for my Aunt to come from Michigan. I'm waiting for the Invisible Color mural painting saturday. I'm waiting for this full time week of work to be over. I'm waiting-I'm just waiting for something to happen. Hopefully something good.

Hanan spent the night last night. We went thrift store shopping, to dinner, and to cuddling in my bed. I'm so lucky that I have a family member I get along with so well. I wonder why days like that (view photo) seem to be more and more distant when summer comes to a close.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-05T00:19:00

2006-08-05T07:20:45Z

I love these people, and they are gone/leaving.

Cranky Matt

Sweet Shane

Amazing Jake

Silly Aria

Gorgeous Sara

Funny Clay

Cousin Hanan

Complicating Chris
and

Lovely Ariel

And by leaving, I don't mean just going to college around here. I mean long gone. I guess Jordie and I will continue to wave our friends off to college while we are stuck in a shit school until it ends up just being her and I. And maybe Haydn and Char.

I feel really weird about a lot of things right now. I am anxious and nervous with the thought of summer coming to an end. I hate when I don't know what is going on. I am suppose to go on a little vacation but I don't know any details and I don't want to take off work before I do. It makes me really anxious also. Matt and I are such opposites in what we want. He wants nothing more then someone to love him and that is the exact same thing I am scared shitless of. It's bizzare really. I don't know when exactly I came to be this.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-04T16:54:00

2006-08-05T00:05:55Z

I passed! I only missed one! Jordie ended up taking it an hour before me ironically, and even more ironically we both only missed one. Now only 6 months before I am free. Cynthia was my mother today and took me to get my permit and she also helped me study tons and I really love her. After a gas stop at costco, a mocha freeze and a slice of cheese pizza we took a really weird (new) route to Invisible Children. We got there okay and did or work. We were looking up schools and I got stuck with all of the booney ones like West Virginia and Pennsylvania. There were SERIOUSLY no highschools in Morgantown West Virginia, and I finally looked it up and it only had like a population of 56,000 and it made a lot more sense. A girl I knew from highschool that graduated like 2 years ago was there and we stared at each other for a minute until we realized why we looked familiar. Now Matt and I are going to go to an Ultimate Frisbee tournament but I am kind of tired and Matt just got his wisdom teeth out so we will probably end up playing on the swing set instead. Oh and this is what really goes on in the Invisible Children offices.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-03T23:38:00

2006-08-04T06:48:24Z

well I take my permit test tommorow after being three months late. yeah I could be getting my license in three months but instead I am getting it in febuary. I think I will pass but if not, well I suck. I am reading 9-11 by Noam Chomsky, Matt let me borrow it and I really dig it. I might stay up tonight and finish it. Today I went and registered for my driving classes and then Aria and I went to Japan house for lunch. We went to Invisible Children and did work that involved thinking and computer formatting. That is suprisingly more tiring then stuffing envelopes. We took the wrong exit on the way back (yeah after going there 4098534 times I don't pay enough attention to tell Aria where to go). Then we stopped by at Jordie's and said hi and then went to Matt's who is a chipmunk and missing some teeth of wisdom. I have been a good friend in secessfully visiting Matt every day since they have been out (yes it has only been two days). We laid around in his bed and listened to prank calls on e-baums world and watched his old skate video (yes again). Then Matt's 11 year old sister played guitar for us and sang. She is really pretty, intelligent AND has a beautifull voice. She is so ahead of herself. I am home now taking practice permit tests and thinking about getting off to go finish my book. Next year is going to be lonely, jesus fuck.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-03T02:14:00

2006-08-03T09:14:31Z

I am bursting at the seams. That cannot be real. Don't ever believe something is out of your reach.

jenannnn @ 2037-08-02T11:34:00

2006-08-02T18:34:44Z

You are a
Social Liberal
(78% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(8% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

jenannnn @ 2037-08-01T22:35:00

2006-08-02T06:08:15Z

Everyone is leaving and I am really bummed. One down, many to go. Hanan is leaving too now. But I have a lot too look forward too. I am looking forward to AP US next year and English, if I get Weber. I am looking forward to devoting more time to the Invisible Children club. I am looking forward to Chris and I being pen pals. Oh and Hanan and I are going to be pen pals too!I am already scheming all the good things I can send them. Chris asked me for pictures of us to put on his wall. And I reminded him of the pictures I put in the book I got him for his birthday. And he went and found the book and the pictures fell out. I thought that was kind of cool/sweet. I babysat today and went to Invisible Children with Matt and Jordie. I might go on a little vacation I don't want to mention just yet in case I jinx it. aKSJLKASJDLAKSDJ
AMPED

jenannnn @ 2037-07-31T10:37:00

2006-07-31T17:39:40Z

I work today and then i get the rest of the week off. Invisible Children here I come!! That makes me soo happy. If anyone wants to come in and volunteer with me you are welcome. Call me and I'll tell ya when. Note; Chris is gone and I didn't get to give him his little gift.

also i made one of these. do it if youd like
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Jenan

jenannnn @ 2037-07-28T22:56:00

2006-07-29T06:06:50Z

the last couple days have been nice. We had a movie night the other day at mi casa with all the cool kids. The rest of our afternoons have been spent at Jordies, the beach and wedding showers. Actually only one wedding shower, and that was tonight. It was a wine and cheese party and it was my bosses in the dance studio. my head hurts a little bit from the wine but I am happy Sharlene (my bosses) recovering alcoholic mother didn't stop me from drinking. We had a toilet paper wedding gown competition and I got in second place, but my veil thing was so avant garde my team and I didn't care that we lost. It's odd how well Jordie and I get along with 40 year old women. We were giving advice to one mother on what do to with a bratty teenager, come to find her daughter goes to our school and is only a grade below us. Shit like that freaks me out. Anyway, I went home with two lovely vases of flowers because I helped plan the shower, and if I may say so myself the party was pretty banging. It is a little awkward to see your boss hold up see through panties and say promiscuous things though.

oh and my wedding advice to her was "live in the moment, unless it sucks". OH and.

tomorrow if you want. Small gathering, good fruit, good company. I am trying to get this girl that I taught at camps mother to drop off her daughter because she is a freaking blast and really weird and would be really amusing. I say really too much and I think I might have drank a little too much wine.

jenannnn @ 2037-07-27T00:12:00

2006-07-27T07:13:08Z

maybe there isn't always something better.
maybe I should just stick to what I have.
what do you expect from me?

jenannnn @ 2037-07-24T02:05:00

2006-07-24T09:09:34Z

Matt Callado is one of the best human beings on earth. He understands my anguish and my frusteration about the things I cannot help and the core of my being better than anyone else I know. I can't imagine what things will be like when he goes, but I am not looking forward to it at all.

Gretchin Istanbo: i dont think i can leave here anymore
Gretchin Istanbo: live*
Gretchin Istanbo: i think i might have to leave when i graduate
Gretchin Istanbo: leave the country
InTheCity56: you are doing the best thing anybody can do jenan
InTheCity56: with the invisible children stuff
Gretchin Istanbo: thanks
InTheCity56: thats amazing
InTheCity56: your standing on the ocean until you start sinkin
Gretchin Istanbo: yeah i wish i could do more for the palestinians
InTheCity56: yeah but your doing what you can on a day to day basis and thats the most anyone our age can do
InTheCity56: and by and large most dont
Gretchin Istanbo: i wish i could change that
Gretchin Istanbo: maybe ill make a charter than eveyrone in highschool
InTheCity56: yeah well maybe you can, but not at the moment
Gretchin Istanbo: has to do charity work
Gretchin Istanbo: and increase the numbers
InTheCity56: but at the moment your doing everything you can
InTheCity56: every day
InTheCity56: I realllllllllllly admire that
InTheCity56: in fact im in love with it
Gretchin Istanbo: haha
Gretchin Istanbo: thank you matt
Gretchin Istanbo: i love you so much
InTheCity56: i love you too
InTheCity56: your so good

jenannnn @ 2037-07-24T01:54:00

2006-07-24T09:00:19Z

matt callado is the best human being on earth and i dont want to imagine him not being here. I'm crying out of anguish and stress and my lack of ability to control my own governments actions, and he understands that. All of it.

Gretchin Istanbo: i dont think i can live here anymore
Gretchin Istanbo: i think i might have to leave when i graduate, leave the country
InTheCity56: you are doing the best thing anybody can do jenan
InTheCity56: with the invisible children stuff
Gretchin Istanbo: thanks
InTheCity56: thats amazing
InTheCity56: your standing on the ocean until you start sinkin
Gretchin Istanbo: yeah i wish i could do more for the palestinians
InTheCity56: yeah but your doing what you can on a day to day basis and thats the most anyone our age can do and by and large most dont
Gretchin Istanbo: i wish i could change that
Gretchin Istanbo: maybe ill make a charter than eveyrone in highschool
InTheCity56: yeah well maybe you can, but not at the moment
Gretchin Istanbo: has to do charity work and increase the numbers
InTheCity56: but at the moment your doing everything you can, every day
InTheCity56: I realllllllllllly admire that
InTheCity56: in fact im in love with it
Gretchin Istanbo: thank you matt
Gretchin Istanbo: i love you so much
InTheCity56: i love you too
InTheCity56: your so good

jenannnn @ 2037-07-23T18:41:00

2006-07-24T01:43:19Z

Today was so good. I wish I had pictures or something. Matt called me bright and early and asked if I wanted to go to Balboa park with Char and him. We went, but there wasn't any rad cultural food, Lithuania was selling there food and I don't really dig sasuges. We ate some good pastry like stuff and then went to the tea Pavillion. I got a spicy tuna roll and a red bean mochi ball. YUM. We got really bored and narrowed down our options and decided to go to Horton Plaza. We got lost a couple times until we finally arived. We parked seriously on the highest possible parking space, mind you, Matt is afraid of heights. We waddled around for a while and had a lot of fun. We went to the discovery channel store and played with all of the squishy toys and giggled a lot. Then we came across this squishy ball that has all these sqiggly squishy things sticking out all over that you could wear on your head. They didn't have a sample one so I was really bummed, but then on the way out Matt found one hiding and we sucessfully placed them on all of our heads and turned around to find a couple laughing at us. We went into brookstone and recieved some evil glares while char tried a massage chair and I straddled one of those intense professional massager sitting chairs and made Matt pretend to be a masseuse. "Bye Bye Miss American Pie" came on and I sang along and discussed with Matt and Char how a Don McLean cassete was my first every because that was my favorite song. After I got over my childhood we tried those foot massager things and sat with our thighs in them. We looked at ourselfs in those mirrors that make your face huge and ugly and after we all felt that we needed to wash our faces. We got Indian food and watched all the weird kids from Comic Con walk by. There was this one group sitting next to us and the guy had needles coming out of the side of his mouth and black and pink eye make up on and it was really hard not to ask him what his parents thought of him. Charlotte and I bought beanies and I wore mine immediately. I really wanted to take photobooth pictures but all of them were broken. We drove home listening to Vetiver and I fell asleep almost instantly. I got home, took a nap cleaned up and such and then went to see a Mid Summers Night Dream with Maggie. It was the out door Old Globe Theatre and was really, really amazing. Now I am home and thinking about a new week at work and I am actually excited. I have an amazing job and amazing friends. The only thing I could really wish for is that Matt, Shane, Hanan, Ariel and all my other college bound friends wouldn't leave.

jenannnn @ 2037-07-22T22:44:00

2006-07-23T05:44:21Z

On a completely different note than my last post, summer days mostly consist of Jordies garage, record players and monkey business.

whos right side up?

jenannnn @ 2037-07-22T12:13:00

2006-07-22T19:14:28Z

Ceasefire Ceasefire Ceasefire. PLEASE.

This morning Jordie and I went to Allisons house for breakfast with two Bedoins and one Israeli. She is on a trip that was suppose to consist of 10 Palestinians, 10 Bedoins. 10 Israelis and 10 american Jews. The Palestinians could not obtain Visas or leave Ghaza so they couldn't come. They are traveling here, Spain, Israel and they were suppose to go to Ghaza, but that was obviously cancelled. Anyway, this morning was a good learning experience. We didn't talk much politics but we did talk about the cultural differences a lot. After breakfast we sat around the T.V. and watched the news reporting attacks in Lebanon and Israel. I asked one of the Bedoin girls if she supported a ceasefire and she said of course. Then I asked Allison and she said yes, but she agreed with Bush in that Hezbollah attacks needed to be stopped. I stated that that this is true, but that bombing is not going to stop Hezbollah, it would nearly hurt civilians. I went on to say that Hezbollah is not just a guerrilla group that can be weakened and dissolved but it is part of the government and the military, bombing will only cause retaliation and chaos. The Israeli girl told me I was incorrect and that I was thinking of Hammas. The Bedoins told her she was incorrect, and in fact she is. I was suprised that people seem to link Hezbollah with Al Queda, well actually I am not really suprised, I was just suprised someone so near all of this just looked at them as some terrorist organization. That inspired me to give some backround information on Hezbollah just for those people who actually give two shits.

FACTS
-Hezbollah was created in 1982 when Israel invaded southern Lebanon and occupied it for 18 years
-They were created to oppose this occupation, to defend and fight the Israeli Defense Forces
-Hezbollah is a recognized political party
-Hezbollah supplies things to people that the government does not, such as insurance, education funding, hospitals, news services and schools.
-Hezbollah openly denounced Al Queda and its opposition to the 9/11 attack
-Hezbollah has openly stated it is not an enemy of the United States and has no reason to attack them in any form (although in one case when Regean was president and the marines were occupying Lebanon Hezbollah bombed there barracks killing about 200 because they would not leave)
-Although Israel pulled out of Lebanon in 2000 it still has some Lebanese farmland that is in dispute and it is in this area that a clash probably occured and where the Israeli soldiers were kidnapped.
- "The United States, Britain and Israel consider Hezbollah a terrorist organization but throughout most of the Arab and Muslim worlds, Hezbollah is highly regarded as a legitimate resistance movement. The Lebanese government confirmed it as a legitimate resistance against occupation. Even 74 percent of Lebanese Christians viewed Hezbollah as a resistance organization."
-Wikipedia

me stating all of these things is not showing support for the kidnapping of Israeli soldiers. I want the ceasefire the same as anyone, if not more a . And in no case is a kidnapping or capture okay. But knowing the Israeli kidnapped over 50 Hammas POLITICAL leaders, not militants with no court order or anything makes it look a little bit silly and unreasonable.

The whole situation makes me want to cry. I cry for the Israeli girl whos brother was released from the IDF the same day the soldier was captured. I cry for the children who grow up in this state of war. I cry for the people still stuck in Lebanon. I cry for ignorance. I cry for knowledge. I cry for not being able to do anything about it.

Now I am going to go get my haircut and be superficial and selfish and complain about the heat. Great.