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[27 Dec 2037|08:32pm] |
Jellyfish, gracefully floating the sea
singing in movements so wildly free
do I love you this much because you are not like me?
with your boundless-carefree sensibility
or do I love you so because I wish to be
a free floating Jellyfish under the sea.
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[18 Oct 2037|10:02am] |
I haven't updated in a good chunk of time. Right now I am home listening to the blasting fans in my kitchen and my dad speaking loudly on the phone about how much redoing the cabinets and counter is going to be. My house is a circus because someone (cough cough dad) decided the leak wasn't a leak at all. I'm not sure what he supposed it was, but definitely not something to be looked at for a couple months. Now our kitchen is covered in tarp with these giant fans to dry out mold or something. I thought it would be kind of fun and I could maybe sneak into the tarp and hide in the broken kitchen but apparently it is really toxic and I can die if I do it. Bummer.
That might be going on for a couple weeks.
I had this bizarre dream that Ozzy Osbourne and I were BFFs and Al was best friends with weird Al or something. We had a party at my house during school like at lunch and 435908435 people came and I had to yell at a couple people to get out. I always feel really guilty when I yell at people in my dreams, like right after I feel like an idiot. Anyway I also discovered this weird corner of my closet that had really cute clothes that apparently Hanan had given to me as a secret gift. Dreams are bizzare. In my dream I decided I wasn't going to go to school, so when my mom tried to wake me up I told her I didn't want to go and she without avail let me.
I slept until 9 something with a couple phone calls. One was from Al telling me she hated me because we have a 3 hour CORE becuase of the PSAT and I would have sat in her class and drawn pictures with her if I had gone to school. I can't believe I forgot to sign up for the PSAT, and neither can my parents. Everyday they remind me of the 8,000 dollar scholarship money I just threw down the drain. SAWEEEET. I'm hungry but I aint got no kitcheenn.
I'm not sure why I haven't been writing lately. I think I have felt like I am not on the right track, or the same track I use to be. But I think I am now, finding a better balance. Jacob stopped dealing and I don't really care either way, but I am around pot less often so I think that helps. Even though I haven't been smoking pot that often lately anyway.
I miss Shane so much, it's really hard not having a tangible love. I fill my time with friends and family and all that so shit is fine but then I just think about the people I spent my summer with and all the conversation we had. I miss it. My friends now tend to be my age which really feeds into the lack of genuinely good conversation.
I am happy though, I really am. Jacob is amazing to me and helps me with everything. He is really supportive and understanding and doesn't question a lot of the things I do. I enjoy his company a lot.
Mark Rudd is coming THIS weekend which I am really pissed about because I was expecting A LOT more time to plan for his arrival. Maybe sunday mornign breakfast. I don't know.
If you want to come ask me.
Allison is coming over and we are going to do some journalism homework payceeeeeeeeeee.
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[25 Sep 2037|05:40pm] |
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If you haven't noticed, 99% of my current entries are friends only. and for people who added me without commenting I probably didn't add you so you can't see most of my entries. In other words comment me if you want me to add you back.
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[18 Sep 2037|05:55am] |
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It's 5:55 in the morning which makes me stoked, I get to make a wish and stuff. I'm also just stoked because I wanted to get up at 5:50 this morning to get my math done and I totally woke up at 5:20 on my own. It's probably just a weird coincidence but when I told myself I would do my homework in the morning, I actually thought I would be doing it at lunch time. So basically right now I feel like I can do anything. Maybe I will wake up at 5:54 each morning so I can make a wish at 5:55. I hear NPR in my room, and my math home work is basically done except I need a centimeters ruler and I don't have one. So I get to lay in bed and listen to NPR with my mama bear mug and my coffee for 20 minutes. Life is so good.
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[04 Sep 2037|08:57pm] |
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So nick mentions steves death and I'm like yeah I know everyone knows. It just kind of irritates me that people don't talk like this when we invade Iraq, or have meetings with Iran. And he said "your not the right person to talk to about this, because I was sad, I still am. I felt really insensitive and now we are talking about him and Nick just told me he loves him. And he always thought he was invincible. Anyway, R.I.P. Steve, you will be missed. I still have about 80 pages of 1750 to read. Fuck Brave New World, I'll finish it tommorow. And I'm totally not reading the first two chapters of the APUSH book. Running off the amount of sleep I got I'm lucky I'm still awake.
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[26 Aug 2037|10:34am] |
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My aunt just left, and Charlotte is officially going to a Canyon Crest and moving. I'm getting real sick of goodbyes.
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[24 Aug 2037|09:17am] |
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Aria just came and said goodbye. 4 down, more to go.
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[21 Aug 2037|12:34am] |
"There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground. And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics."
-Bob Dylan
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[20 Aug 2037|05:35pm] |
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Man was I good at holding in those tears, until the second he walked away.
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[20 Aug 2037|12:38am] |
i really really really dont want matt to leave. tommorow is seriously the last time i get to see him. i am crying so hard. I can't even believe it. i don't understand how it seriously just hit me. no matter how muhc i tried to prepare myself I don't think I had any real grasp. i cant see im cryign so hard. im happy for him. he gets to be away from here, pleasing himself for once. using his intelligence for something beyond teaching his girlfriends or friends. he can show others his love and compassion. he deserves this. I love you Matt Callado. You are honestly one the closest people to my heart.
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[16 Aug 2037|11:13pm] |
I've got lots of emotions inside. Right now I feel kind of a happy frusterated. I'm waiting for Bud to call me back, he drives me crazy. I'm waiting for Chris to get my letter and tell me what he thinks of the extra script ideas. I'm waiting for Jordie and I to go to Invisible Children today. I'm waiting for school to start (not in a wishful way). I'm waiting to shed lot's of tears over Matt's departure. I'm waiting to get a car. I'm waiting to find a during school job. I'm waiting for myself to start reading the books I need to. I'm waiting for my Aunt to come from Michigan. I'm waiting for the Invisible Color mural painting saturday. I'm waiting for this full time week of work to be over. I'm waiting-I'm just waiting for something to happen. Hopefully something good.
Hanan spent the night last night. We went thrift store shopping, to dinner, and to cuddling in my bed. I'm so lucky that I have a family member I get along with so well. I wonder why days like that (view photo) seem to be more and more distant when summer comes to a close.
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[05 Aug 2037|12:19am] |
I love these people, and they are gone/leaving.
( Read more... )
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[04 Aug 2037|04:54pm] |
I passed! I only missed one! Jordie ended up taking it an hour before me ironically, and even more ironically we both only missed one. Now only 6 months before I am free. Cynthia was my mother today and took me to get my permit and she also helped me study tons and I really love her. After a gas stop at costco, a mocha freeze and a slice of cheese pizza we took a really weird (new) route to Invisible Children. We got there okay and did or work. We were looking up schools and I got stuck with all of the booney ones like West Virginia and Pennsylvania. There were SERIOUSLY no highschools in Morgantown West Virginia, and I finally looked it up and it only had like a population of 56,000 and it made a lot more sense. A girl I knew from highschool that graduated like 2 years ago was there and we stared at each other for a minute until we realized why we looked familiar. Now Matt and I are going to go to an Ultimate Frisbee tournament but I am kind of tired and Matt just got his wisdom teeth out so we will probably end up playing on the swing set instead. Oh and this is what really goes on in the Invisible Children offices.
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[03 Aug 2037|11:38pm] |
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well I take my permit test tommorow after being three months late. yeah I could be getting my license in three months but instead I am getting it in febuary. I think I will pass but if not, well I suck. I am reading 9-11 by Noam Chomsky, Matt let me borrow it and I really dig it. I might stay up tonight and finish it. Today I went and registered for my driving classes and then Aria and I went to Japan house for lunch. We went to Invisible Children and did work that involved thinking and computer formatting. That is suprisingly more tiring then stuffing envelopes. We took the wrong exit on the way back (yeah after going there 4098534 times I don't pay enough attention to tell Aria where to go). Then we stopped by at Jordie's and said hi and then went to Matt's who is a chipmunk and missing some teeth of wisdom. I have been a good friend in secessfully visiting Matt every day since they have been out (yes it has only been two days). We laid around in his bed and listened to prank calls on e-baums world and watched his old skate video (yes again). Then Matt's 11 year old sister played guitar for us and sang. She is really pretty, intelligent AND has a beautifull voice. She is so ahead of herself. I am home now taking practice permit tests and thinking about getting off to go finish my book. Next year is going to be lonely, jesus fuck.
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[03 Aug 2037|02:14am] |
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I am bursting at the seams. That cannot be real. Don't ever believe something is out of your reach.
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[01 Aug 2037|10:35pm] |
Everyone is leaving and I am really bummed. One down, many to go. Hanan is leaving too now. But I have a lot too look forward too. I am looking forward to AP US next year and English, if I get Weber. I am looking forward to devoting more time to the Invisible Children club. I am looking forward to Chris and I being pen pals. Oh and Hanan and I are going to be pen pals too!I am already scheming all the good things I can send them. Chris asked me for pictures of us to put on his wall. And I reminded him of the pictures I put in the book I got him for his birthday. And he went and found the book and the pictures fell out. I thought that was kind of cool/sweet. I babysat today and went to Invisible Children with Matt and Jordie. I might go on a little vacation I don't want to mention just yet in case I jinx it. aKSJLKASJDLAKSDJ
AMPED
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[31 Jul 2037|10:37am] |
I work today and then i get the rest of the week off. Invisible Children here I come!! That makes me soo happy. If anyone wants to come in and volunteer with me you are welcome. Call me and I'll tell ya when. Note; Chris is gone and I didn't get to give him his little gift.
also i made one of these. do it if youd like
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Jenan
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[28 Jul 2037|10:56pm] |
the last couple days have been nice. We had a movie night the other day at mi casa with all the cool kids. The rest of our afternoons have been spent at Jordies, the beach and wedding showers. Actually only one wedding shower, and that was tonight. It was a wine and cheese party and it was my bosses in the dance studio. my head hurts a little bit from the wine but I am happy Sharlene (my bosses) recovering alcoholic mother didn't stop me from drinking. We had a toilet paper wedding gown competition and I got in second place, but my veil thing was so avant garde my team and I didn't care that we lost. It's odd how well Jordie and I get along with 40 year old women. We were giving advice to one mother on what do to with a bratty teenager, come to find her daughter goes to our school and is only a grade below us. Shit like that freaks me out. Anyway, I went home with two lovely vases of flowers because I helped plan the shower, and if I may say so myself the party was pretty banging. It is a little awkward to see your boss hold up see through panties and say promiscuous things though.
oh and my wedding advice to her was "live in the moment, unless it sucks". OH and.
tomorrow if you want. Small gathering, good fruit, good company. I am trying to get this girl that I taught at camps mother to drop off her daughter because she is a freaking blast and really weird and would be really amusing. I say really too much and I think I might have drank a little too much wine.
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[27 Jul 2037|12:12am] |
maybe there isn't always something better.
maybe I should just stick to what I have.
what do you expect from me?
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